No, I dont know!

The question of the semester- "oh.. you're graduating in May? so whats the plan after that?"

OH MY GOD! JUST STOP!

I DON'T KNOW!

I mean I would like to know obviously, but I don't. And I'm telling my self that its ok. Its ok to not know what you are going to do, you still have five more months... right?

Four years ago, I had a plan. Well of course it had to be altered depending on my interests and the economy. But I had a plan of where I needed to be in four years. But the year 2011 brought uncertainty to my life. There are so many options that I would want to do, that would make me happy. But my decisions are not all just based on my self.

People tell me "no do what you want to do, what makes you happy". That is what I am trying to do. I am happy when people around me are happy. I cannot be doing what I love in life and living in a place that I am in love with, if the people around me are disappointed in me. That would lose the purpose of being happy.

Gary Vaynerchuk in his speech at web 2.0 Expo NY  says "please do what you love, no excuses"
But it isn't simple as that. If life was so simple as to say "screw it all, I am doing what I want" this world would not be as complicated as it is now. Everyone would be happy, being on their own and doing what they love.
But humans are social creatures. It takes scarifies to be able to survive in a group. This group being society, family or just even friends.

Jenn Pelly ( one of the most interesting writers I have read recently) talks about her personal situation in Did they know I'm unemployed?. Writing was her thing, her passion, her love of her life. She has had many recognitions from all over NYC for being so talented in what she is doing. But she asks "do they know that I am totally freaking out about life, about not having a job after I graduate?"

Life is totally grey for me right now, but its ok. I will survive. I will let time tell me what to do. Its ok.....

right?

PS- :(

Comments

  1. Sara AmiriJanuary 31, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    I think it is even more stressful for us being international students, having more options but at the same time no certain ones. Going back home, and looking for a job in less pleasant conditions, or staying here and applying for many jobs to get the same fatidical question of "Are you a US citizen?". We get even more lost to think that we have to go make a very important decision, even more important than what US students have to make after graduation. Because our decision at this time can definitely change our lives to the best or to the worse.
    If we were to go back home, which probably a lot of us would choose to do, we have a lot of adaptation to do back there and a lot of lessons we learned here to forget about or if we were more ambitious to try to incorporate there!
    Good luck to all May Graduates, and make sure you take the right decision at the end!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mevan JJanuary 31, 2011 at 11:47 AM

    "I am happy when people around me are happy."
    "If life was so simple as to say "screw it all, I am doing what I want" this world would not be as complicated as it is now."

    Those are my favorite lines from your monologue. I struggled with this issue during the last two years of college, just like you are now. In the end, I found a compromise. I'm sure you will too. I know you well enough to say that you'll be successful at whatever you do. So hang in there, sister....something always turns up at the last moment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dilini HerathJanuary 31, 2011 at 5:10 PM

    You survived 4 years, the next 5 months obviously will just be a piece of cake for you. Of course its no smooth ride but you have always figured a way out - alive! So, good luck for the next few months and hopefully you'll finally come stay with me in NYC! Worst case scenario, we'll write a book, I mean every book is a NY Times Best Seller these days.

    ReplyDelete
  4. KanamiFebruary 3, 2011 at 8:06 PM

    I "like" this post. I totally agree with you. Life isn't that simple as they say "do what makes you happy" All the other issues and matters come along.... Even though you find a job that you really want to do, you may not be happy in your personal life or the surrounding environment. It's all about balance. There is no such a perfect life. Like you said, "it takes scarifies to be able to survive in a group." Sometimes you have to give up on something to get what you want. How happy you are is how well you balance all those detentions.

    Think about the balance. Not only the job but also the environment, opportunities, career, the people, family, friends, and much more.

    Sachie, I'm sure there is a bright future for you. We've all grown up as person in the last 4 years and we all witnessed YOU as one!!

    Those times looking for a job and wondering your future will make you only stronger and a better person. So keep wondering and looking!

    ReplyDelete

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